Thursday, April 10, 2008

Sometimes I Forget and Need Reminding

Be a deer...outside my bedroom window...

I've been thinking.

I've been thinking about my life.

Time to make some definite changes. I feel so old lately. I miss who I used to be. I've lost touch with myself in the past few years. I need to find that creative spark within me again. That flame in my own heart. I need to find it and nurture it and help it to grow strong and bright.

I need to make my body strong and supple again. I am feeling my age. Already, at only 47! I need to feel younger, stronger and more vibrant. I must fight for what I want in this life. I can't let time ravage me and make me weak.

Spring is the time for new growth and change. Now is the time for me. Now is the time for me to live. I must dance while the music is playing. I must sing and be heard. I must stop being so afraid. Afraid of what, I ask? Life. Afraid of life, is the answer. Life is the answer.

Sometimes I forget who I am. I forget my strengths and my wisdom. My experience and my knowledge. I forget what's inside of me. I forget what I know and how I feel. I forget, and then suddenly, I remember. All at once it comes rushing back in. Like a tidal wave. Knocks me down with its force, but also refreshes me with its truth.

Sometimes it takes others to remind me. Sometimes just a quiet evening. Frequently my kitty whispers in my ear, tells me that I am someone special in this life.

Sometimes I remember. With her help.

© Copyright 2008 Mountain Harvest Basket


Hardware Bob said...

I have been trying to tell you how special you are, how talented, and beautiful. Apparently I haven't said it all that well or demonstrated it properly.

Hopefully you'll eventually believe me and discover yourself on your own again. It has always been there inside you, just let it out.

Farmgirl_dk: said...

Dang! Hardware Bob gets the prize today - and he said it so well. Jen, your honesty and insight is have identified what you need and who you want to be, all that's left is to DO IT. Maybe it's time for a road trip? :-) Go to some new places...visit some old and possibly new friends, rekindle that spark that I can totally feel within you. It's there, it wants to burn, you want it to burn, let it burn!
And how fortunate you are to have such a wonderful friend in HW Bob - Wow! (sending you an electronic hug... -danni)

Farmer Jen said...

Yes you tell me I am talented and special. Thanks for that. I know I have talent. I know I have strength and many good qualities. I have many skills. Sometimes I forget to demonstrate them as boldly as I should when I am around others who have strength and skills too. Like you, for instance. I allow myself to get lost in the crowd.

I have known you such short time, yet I feel you are a close friend. You seem to tune into my spirit, my soul. I believe you said once that we were kindrid spirits. I like that.

You are also psychic. You crack me up with your road trip comment, as I had recently scheduled a short day trip for us for Sunday to go visit a cool biodynamic tomato farm that is about 4 hours drive from here. I read about it on another blog and wanted to go buy some of their unique tomato seedlings to augment my garden this year. My usual traveling companions didn't seem as excited about it as I would have hoped and now I am not feeling very well today, mostly due to stress and lack of sleep, so I may cancel or postpone the trip. Who knows? I may feel like going again by Sunday if my partners are more interested by then. I may go by myself even.

Thank you for sensing that spark within me. It's there, and you're right, I need to let it burn.

Thanks for the hug. My email address is "jennifer at nobletouch dot com" if you ever want to contact me that way. I don't have yours, but would like it.

Yes, Bob is a good friend. So is my other partner,Jack, whom I have mentioned in my blog from time to time. He just doesn't leave comments much. The shy type.

Here's the link to that farm: Love Apple Farm

Farmer Jen said...

OK, I screwed up the Love Apple Farm link the first time. Try this link instead: Love Apple Farm