Friday, March 7, 2008

Nurtured By Nature

Springtime on my patio table

It’s been a few days since I’ve felt like posting anything here. My life and my mood have been less than ideal this week. Too much work, too little money, too little time and too little energy. Same old stuff. Add to that some health concerns about my precious kitty companion Jessie, and some partner relationship issues and you have my ingredients for a less than ideal week. Well, at least it’s Friday today. Not that Friday signals the end of the work week for me since I am self employed, but it still triggers some ancient relaxation urges in my psyche.

My sweet kitty Jessie

I want to thank my good friends both locally and in my blogging world for being so psychic and sensitive and for expressing your concern for my well being. I love and appreciate every one of you. You have reached out to me without me even asking you for it.

So here I sit sipping my second glass of cheap Merlot wondering what I will make myself for dinner. When I am stressed as I have been this week, I tend to eat rather haphazardly (which doesn’t help my mood or energy level) and I find myself missing my Mom a lot more than usual. I guess it’s her nurturing and her love that I miss the most. And her laughter. She had a great laugh.

I also miss her more around holidays, my birthday and especially as the season changes to Spring. I have always associated Springtime with my Mom. She loved her flowers and her garden so very much. She was very much like a beautiful blooming flower herself. A bright yellow King Alfred daffodil or a velvety red Mr. Lincoln rose (her favorite). At least in my eyes. She was bright and sunny most of the time. Colorful always. Fresh and vibrant. Full of life. That was my Mom. I miss her every day, but especially this time of year.

King Alfred Daffodils

It’s a wonderful time of year, my favorite season, so it’s not a sad time. I just think of her more as the flowers start to bloom and as I start to work in my garden again. I know she is with me, directing me, telling me what plants to put where and how to plant them. You see, my Mom could grow anything. She definitely had a very green thumb. I used to say that she “could grow popsicles from planting popsicle sticks”. Since her death almost 11 years ago, I seem to have cultivated my own green thumb, when before I couldn’t grow much of anything. I truly believe her spirit lives within me and helps me to continue doing the things that she loved so much.

I love to be in my garden in the Spring. I love the new growth, the new beginnings filled with promise. I enjoy seeing the earth wake up after a cold winter. I love dreaming and visualizing my bountiful harvest while planting the seeds and seedlings in the moist soil. I can feel my Mom in the garden with me. I enjoy my garden and nature in general for the beauty and the feeling they give me, but I also enjoy being in my garden because I feel so much closer to my Mom when I am there.

I’ve neglected my garden in the past couple of years. Oh, I still grew some veggies and a few flowers and herbs, I should say they pretty much grew themselves, but I haven’t really given my garden enough priority or attention to truly feed my soul, make my spirit soar and allow myself to be nurtured by nature, and of course feel closer to my Mom.

So this Spring, I think I must make my garden a higher priority in my life and get out there and plant my seeds, hold my Mom’s hand and harvest some love to feed my spirit. Oh yeah, along the way I’ll harvest some veggies too.

© Copyright 2008 Mountain Harvest Basket


Hardware Bob said...

Transitioning into Spring is a miraculous, wonderful thing; signs of new life, the warmth of mother earth on your hands, the sun on your face, and the promise of new experiences and incredible wonder.

Good that you will always have your Mom looking over your shoulder to comfort and guide you.

I liked your photos and would like to learn how to add text at the bottom like you do. Maybe you could teach me some day.

Twinville said...

I'm kind of new around here, but after reading this post, I just wanted to let you know that you're relationship and your still strong bond with your Mother is truly inspiring.
How blessed you are to have had that kind of deep and abiding love.

My own Mother died when I was only 8 years old and I've never had a close relationship with a Mother figure.
I've often yearned for that more than I can say.

I enjoyed our post especially, though, because of how you combined your love of nature and gardeing to the love you have for your Mother.

Take special care of yourself today. A beautiful, gentle soul, like yourself is worth being kind to.

Farmer Jen said...

Hi Bob,
Yes, Spring is my favorite season, although I like them all for their unique gifts. Thank you for your compliments on my photos. since I am not a real photographer, and less experienced than you or others, I am always flattered when I receive a compliment on my work.

Hi Twinville,
Thank you for reading my blog (I am new here too!)and thank you for your kind comments. Your sharing has reminded me that yes, I have been blessed by having had my Mom close to me for so much of my life. I tend to focus on how much I miss her sometimes and forget to celebrate and be grateful for the times I did share with her and the things I inherited from her.

It was easy to combine my love for nature and my love for my Mom in my words because Mom loved her garden and her flowers so much. She would literally bubble with joy when Spring arrived and she could go out in the yard and "play" with her baby plants and renew her relationship with the older ones.

Your comments touched my heart on a day when I needed it. I have been reading and enjoying your comments on Farmgirl DK's Critter Farm blog. You have good things to share.

Farmgirl_dk: said...

Hey! I love cheap Merlot, too! :-)
Isn't it interesting how certain times of the year can make us simultaneously appreciate something, but also make us yearn for things no longer around? I have triggers in my life like this, too, although, for me, they are around certain smells. I love summer, but the month of July is difficult for me as this is when my dad died suddenly. So, when it gets really hot outside and the sidewalks in downtown Portland exude tremendous warmth from beneath your feet, there's a smell to that type of warmth that is indescribable. When I smell this smell, even now, 16 years later, it propels me back to the time when I was coming and going from the ICU where he was dying.
I'm happy that you have such wonderful, powerful memories of your mom, but feel sad for your lonliness for her. We never stop needing our moms. You are fortunate that you had a wonderful wonderful relationship with her. Some have their moms still here -oftentimes very close by, but just can't make that connection.
I hope you are feeling happier today. Getting your hands back into the dirt will be healing. It always is for me. -danni

Farmgirl_dk: said...

Dang. sorry that was so long.
(insert embarrassed face here -> X)

Farmer Jen said...

Hi Danni,
No embarrassment necessary. I love what you have to say. You have such depth and perspective. I am so thankful for my Angels. Angels like you, and Bob and Twinville. You touch my heart. I can hear my Mom in all your voices...I'm sitting here reading with tears streaming down my face. Gratefulness fills my heart. Thank you for being you.

Farmer Jen said...

Farmgirl DK,
I could really feel and visualize what you said about your Dad and how you were traveling back and forth to the ICU when he was in there. My Mom died suddenly the ICU. I can still see it,hear it and yes, smell it too. It was awful. I really dislike hospitals.