Friday, February 13, 2009

Snow Day & Rant

My driveway view as it began to snow ~ 8:30am

My same driveway view about 3 hours later!

My "snow measurement device" showing about 1 foot of snowfall

The day started off cold and snowy, but I was in an OK mood. It rapidly got worse.

I have been very stressed lately. I've had too much on my plate these past couple of weeks. I've had my head buried in legal software trying to help my Dad write up his Will, Trust, Power of Attorney and Health Directive documents. I've had to learn as I go along. Learning what the documents cover, learning how to write them and learning the legal software that I purchased to produce these documents. My Dad lives in another state (Boy, ain't that the truth!) so I have been trying to work out the details of these docs with him via telephone. He is not the most cooperative of individuals, to say the least. He is aggressive and a control freak. He will turn 90 next month, and has never gotten around to taking care of these important legal documents himself, so I am trying my best to help him, and it is very stressful for me. He doesn't understand all of the legal details and therefore he drags his feet on getting all of this done in a timely manner.

Meanwhile his doctor, the social worker, the home health company and the Adult Protective Services people are all trying very hard to shove him off into the nursing home of their choosing without regard to my Dad's wishes or even mine. I learned today that APS has had a case file open on my Dad for several months now, but not one time in all those months have they contacted me about it, and they have no excuse for that since they have all of my contact info from the last time they got involved in his life and mine. I am so stressed about this that I have been sleeping even less than usual lately. It falls to me to defend my Dad, protect him, watch out for his best interest and now I have to explain everything to the social workers and APS people as if I owed them reports or something. My Dad does not really grasp the seriousness of his situation. I am trying to intervene between him and the APS folks so that I can help him move into better living conditions that will make him happier and healthier. He resists all change and wants total control over everything, even though he cannot handle it himself anymore. He just doesn't realize that I am trying to help him and if he would just get out of his own way we could get the things done that he needs to get done. Arrrgggghhhh!!!

I am very frustrated and many times I have considered just throwing in the towel. If he would just cooperate with me and trust me, I could help him so easily and things would just fall into place to make his life better. But no, he has to over control everything and make everything so difficult, as if the social workers and APS people weren't making life difficult enough already.

Sorry folks. That was my rant for the day. I just really needed to get that off my chest for a few minutes. I am near tears almost all the time these past few days and I just couldn't hold it inside any longer.

What's all of this ranting got to do with my Snow Day pictures I am sharing with you? Nothing, except that I have been cooped up in my house all day dealing with this stuff because we got a foot of snow dumped on us this morning over the course of just 3 hours. The white sparkly stuff is very beautiful, but it does disrupt normal activities. I was supposed to receive a stress relieving massage today, but I had to reschedule it since I was snowed in here and couldn't drive anywhere today. Yesterday, I had to reschedule my own massage clients due to snow as well. So I am cooped up, stressed out, lacking money and needing a massage. Bah!

I was right in the middle of being creative in my kitchen this afternoon, making meatloaf in the oven and chopping up fresh veggies for homemade chicken soup on the stove, when I got the call from the social worker about my Dad. Totally blew away my cozy snow day mood. I was trying to have a little bit of time to myself and feel good in my kitchen. Not meant to be, I guess.

So I built a nice fire in my woodstove to keep the house and me warm today.

Nice warm fire

My kitties know how to get comfy and relax:

Frieda by the fire ~ she wouldn't face my camera

So I guess I just need to take life one day at a time and try my best to remain sane in the process. Some days, like today, I just want to run away and hide from the world.

Thanks for listening. I hope you at least enjoyed the pictures.

© Copyright 2009 Mountain Harvest Basket


mrscravitz said...

I am sorry you are having such a rough day! The snow is pretty, but I am working really hard at wishing it away! LOL It got very cold here, but I don't think there is any precipitation in the forecast! I HOPE! I am really tired of the white stuff. Of course it is way better than rain! Until it melts of course.

About your dad. I KNOW Exactly what you are going through. I had a difficult parent too.

Hardware Bob said...

Parents can be a real challenge, I suppose for many this is equal payback for the anxiety and annoyances we gave our parents when we were growing up.

You are a good person to maintain focus helping your Dad even when doesn't fully realize what's the best path for him.

Your Dad will never, ever know what you are going through, all the tireless effort, the sleepless nights, the silent crying, feeling alone, but I do. ♥

Take a deep breath, it will all work out for the best, and you have many friends and me to lean on. The love you have for your Dad will overcome all the obstacles that seem very overwhelming now.

The snow is magnificent, so pristine and beautiful, I believe it's truly a sign that new beginnings are about to happen. I am experiencing a little cabin fever though, and my steep driveway is difficult to get in and out of.

Maybe a little sunshine in between the blizzards, please consider it Mother Nature.

Knit Witch said...

Awwwww - I'm sorry about all the stress. I guess everyone has their own version of family stress out there. We try to just remember that everyone is on their own path and journey and we can't change that. We just have to walk beside them on their own journey the best we can without losing sight of our own path. Everyone in our lives is here to teach us something whether we realize it or not. I know it is stressful to have to be involved in someone else's journey sometimes though!!!

Wow on the snow!!!!!!!!! Deep breath and enjoy your moments, time and place - even if they are difficult moments..... :)

Farmgirl_dk: said...

Oh, do have a lot on your plate. I'm glad you feel comfortable sharing your feelings and reaching out to others - I have a tendency to just clam up until the worst of it passes and, by then, I'm a real mess. Sadly, your dad will probably never realize how much you are doing for him - I can only imagine how scared he must be about growing older and losing his independence. It would make us all unreasonable, I think, even if it isn't necessarily the best way to react. I'm sending you lots of good thoughts and energy for the coming days - I know you will continue to give your heart to your dad, trying only to make things easier for him. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help! ♥ ♥ ♥

Farmgirl_dk: said...

Amazing snow pictures...loved the morning vs. afternoon shot. Boy, do I know that housebound feeling! :-)

inadvertent farmer said...

My mom lives next door and is 72...I so dread if/when she and I have to go through all of this. So far she is in great shape, holding down 2 jobs and maintaining her big house...but I wonder how long it will last.

My heart goes out to you and your dad, you are a good, good daughter! Kim

frugalmom said...

Sending good thoughts your way, Jen. Im sorry to hear that you are stressed. And then to be kinda housebound on top of that....AHHHHH...go ahead. You can scream if you need to.

Becoming older has got to be a very scary thing for him. Especially when one begins to realize that he may not be able to do things that he used to.

Allow yourself some time to relax, okay?

Lulu Barbarian said...

Beatiful pictures! You have my best wishes for strength and wisdom as you deal with this incredibly difficult situation with your dad and bureaucracy.

Zitrone said...

Your account of what you are doing for your dad is amazing. And all those agencies who want to "help" and send your dad to some 'never-never-land'. It's fabulous that you are fighting for him (and with him, that's ok, too). You are doing the right things, but it sounds that everything is WAY too much for you at this point. Last Friday particularly, but did you realize that it was Friday, the 13th? You see, not every day will be that lousy - just Friday the 13th. I promise!
The snow accumulation was so fast and beautiful, but I'm done with that stuff, too. My tulips are coming up, and the winter spinach is looking yummy. Time for spring and happier thoughts. Hope you are feeling less stress, Farmer Jen, because I want you to keep reading your post.

Farmer Jen said...

Hi Mrs Cravitz,
I love your name. Thank you for reading my post and leaving a comment. Thank you also for your understanding.

Hi Bob,
The snow is beautiful even if it makes it hard to get around town and conduct business. Thank you for telling me that I am good. I know my Dad will never know all that I have done for him. Thank you also for a comforting Valentine's Day.

Hi Brittany,
Thank you for reminding me that we all have our paths and that I shouldn't lose sight of my own. I know this, but I do neglect my own sometimes.

Hi Danni,
Yes, I have much on my plate and it's not getting any less in the near future. I am pretty open with my feelings most of the time, but when I am dealing with this kind of stress, I keep a lot of it inside until I just can't hold it in any longer. I think those of us that are "emotionally strong" do that a lot. Sort of like we are trying not to burden other people with our feelings and our problems. Not very healthy, I guess.

Yes, I know my Dad feels insecure and even scared sometimes, but he has always been pretty unreasonable. This is not new behavior.

Thank you so much for all of your good energy you are sending. I feel it and appreciate it! I liked those driveway comparison photos too. Most of the snow is melted now. We had rain and snow off and on today.

Hi Kim,
At 72 your Mom is still young and it sounds like she works to keep herself that way. You go girl! Hopefully, your Mom will not let her life get as out of control as my Dad has let his. Thank you so much for reminding me that I am a good daughter. It's nice to hear that once in awhile. I try to remember my Mom's voice saying it, but she has been gone for a long time now.

Hi Marcee,
Not housebound today. I actually got out and drove around town a little on Saturday, and then went out to dinner on Sunday night. I did get some time to relax with my guys over the weekend. I needed that.

Hi Lulu,
Strength and wisdom is what I need to have alright! Thank you for your support and good wishes. Good to hear from you.

Hi Zitrone,
Thanks for telling me that I am doing all the right things. Sometimes it's hard to know what is the right thing to do, and I do get overwhelmed at times. It takes quite a bit to do that, but it does happen. Yes, I did realize it was Friday the 13th. You do realize that next month also has a Friday the 13th, right? Maybe I will just stay in bed that day and hide from the world. Ha! Yay for your tulips. I have some coming up too.

Laughing Orca Ranch said...

Awww, so sorry. Looks like you should have followed Freida's cues and just meditated in front of the fire.

I hope things are getting a little better by now.
My! That's a lot of snow!
Has it all melted yet?


Farmer Jen said...

Hi Lisa,
Almost all the snow is gone after it rained here today. We had several snow days so far this winter. Perhaps more to come.